Thursday, September 30, 2004
saw him..
scary. immediately i turn my back jus to avoid to see him in e face. It's been 2 yrs. I cant help but very scared n embarrassed. I turned back "eh, its him right?" i ask jp. "yep". Wah.. phew.. i alighted at e bustop. same as him. however, i deliberately hid behind the bus stop and stop to clean the fog on my glasses. Jp say i did it too deliberately. Did i? .. i cant help it.
he's a nice guy. But, we met at the wrong time. I din regret. or rather, i'm glad that that i chickened out. I'm so sorry. I hope u find a nice gal. someone whom has the same interest as you and can really click with u. someone who is more compatible with you.
ta da.. my driving test date.. out..
wah.. is on Feb 24. Wah.. 12 days.. aft V day. Hmm.. din want to put it so early one leh.But hor. already book liao. Today, driving quite smoothly. Fun. managed to control the steering wheel. But my car die a few times. haiz.. keke.
"ah peng ge" and " Jing hua mei" is what my instructor has been tellin me since he came back from China. Haha.. he very cok ah..
today, i went sch early to do my ECONOMETRICS. Wah. Sianz. in e end, we din progress much.Cos, its either u know or u don't know thing. I thought last sem IT proj is already very bad. Wah. This oso. Sucks. Anyway, i told myself. I must understand this module very well. Why i cant seem to understand?
I really don like my GE. Sucks man. so many proj. After meeting with our prof, wah.. it seems like our whole concept is wrong leh.. as in e focus. haiz.. sickening.. Wat no exam. I rather take a slack GE and take the exam. Haiz..
y am i sighin n sighin. nvm at least i am happy in e morning. thanks =)
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
wrote over 50 blog pg..
o my god. I cant believe i actually wrote so much. Now, typing alone in e cold library at Lee Wee Nam. Gg for lesson later. was actually thinkin abt my tuition schedule so din conc during e last part of my lec. This morn, i was super tired. shouldn ve watch Guess 3. Waste my time. Should ve invest in my beauty sleep. So, i think. During break for my 1st lec, i actually slept during tt 5 min break. It was a power nap. then, i heard a gal murmuring.. i immediate sit up straight. Thought i really sleep like.. for don know how long. Luckily my lecturer haven start yet.
Was damn tired. Consecutively sleep like 10+ hrs in 3 days only.
Felt left out just now. abit only la. but nvm. i don know them well oso. they same proj grp mah. of cos.. know each other better.
ve an identity crisis now. Don know to follow which grp. My "brothers" grp or e "sisters" grp. anyway, it doesn matter for now. I only ve like less than 5 tutorials to go. my life very stagnant now. so boring. will need to do sth to spice up my life.. am thinkin..
saw this email.
my fren told me before. Is a work n travel thingy. in US. I thought it was interesting. my fren say u might go work as waitress there. n u not paid peanuts k. o well, if my fren jio me. I consider. again. life time opportunity. or btw. i cant oso. If i got tuition, then my students will die. haiz.. nvm. It's not as if, i won get to work elsewhr. =(
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
ate my fair share of mooncakes
Wah.. my stomach is seriously bloated. Ate alot. While waiting all of them to gather at Jac's HDB downstairs, i just eat n eat. Cos nothing to do. Though i ate my dinner at home.
Again. I went back home at 530. Went straight to the bed. "plop".. on e bed, n i concuss till 710 before asking my dad to fetch me to jurong west. Kke.. i know i very bad always, askin my dad to fetch me here n thr.. when, actually, i could ve go thr myself.
Anyway, I think Zhong ge.. shld feel very happy today. So many gals ard him. A total of 8 gals n VJ were there. All i could remember is e candles on e floor, n 4 pathetic lanterns. Huimei tryin hard to light up a lantern. keke.. suanin her.. that she has no childhood cos she don know how to twist the wire on top of the lantern. Seriously i already forgot already. Anyway, i din join in e fun. I just sat thr with Qinlei, Zhong ge, VJ chatting .. crappin., popping food into my mouth while VJ was tellin us that he went for this Sheares Bridge marathon for 12 km. alot of ppl. As part of the army, he went too. i don know why. those whom i know went for this, seems to suffer from aching.. or rather "crippled"after that. haha.. Vj was tellin us. tt he actually saw a guy peeing behind a tree. it is quite obvious oso. haha..
Had a fun time today. this celebration remind me of the xmas party that we have last yr jus smaller scale and much less work done.. as in e "cooking" part. I'll miss that. though i cant join u all for xmas this yr, but hope i be back in time for the New year count down ya.. =)
#Dear flowermist, thank you for ur concern. I am okie. Seriously. I'll remember what u told me the last time. feelins just sank in .. esp at night. n during certain period of the month.I be all right.#
tryin to imitate.. IMMEdIATE FaILuRE.. *Eileen at e back*
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c this first.. jac eatin orange.. wait huh..
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Zhong ge *blue* smokie smokie..
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best frens here.. *cheese*
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Monday, September 27, 2004
Finding a channel..
so bz so bz.. yet my mind askin me to stop for a break. I rushin meeting. here n thr. till i forgot whr i meet huimei. I always tot i meet her e sch bridge thr. So when i call her, eh.. whr we meeting huh? 179 la?.. HUH? i already at sch liao leh. i was supposed to meet her at boon lay to go sch together but i forgot i already in sch doin my AB214 proj.
recently, sleep very late, wake up quite early. Yesterday, i toss n turn n i think i slept from 6 to 9 am. Wah.. tink.. i very power also. die. tink. i gg to make myself work harder jus for these 2 weeks. Then, its haven for me. At least no tuition to bug me. Can do my whatever proj that is due in like 5 days time.
Think because i ve lotsa work to do. So, no time to think so much also. If not, think my temperament coming again. probably i am tired. I need someone to take care of me. Thinkin n thinkin.. also no use la..
perhaps a swim will be better? Really? Sunday morn? am i willin to forsake my precious sleep?
hope i enjoy myself tml. Gonna ve a Mid-autumn celebration with my click, n Zhong ge.. Vj they all. Happy bday Zhong ge. haha. u r always. our beloved big brother. Happy 23th bday?
Zhong Qiu Jie Kuai le.. !
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Irritant..
Soon, i am going through this again. Ve this feeling. Hate this feeling.
Argh~ Nvm. .. Anyway, i should be contented. Today, me, Sini (won forget u) haha.., KK, Adrian, Gillian, HJ n Aaron went to V8 to eat. Then, though its sunday, everyone shld be rushing home to do their hw but they still pei me to go Bugis to satisfy my Craving - Tao Huey (Beancurd). We eat till about 9 then go home. But, to satify my craving for shopping, i went to Seiyu alon to shop a while. Looking for ear studs. Nice but quite ex. Thinkin n thinkin whether i shld spend my $. I calculated. Ater working for 6 hrs ysterday, i only earn 65 bucks. that's cheap labour?.. haiz..
Anyway, today while walking. Sini held my hand. I felt bit weird. But, i cant describe until Sini reminded me. Ya, it's been a long time since anyone held my hand. kekez.. =)
Getting used to alone liao. Which is good oso.
Saturday, September 25, 2004
..
I refuse to believe that someone will love u with all her/ his heart. Because when u do, n that 'focus of ur life" just turn u away. Your world will just crumple down. Heart matters are always uncomprehensible. U either feel it or don't.
N almost all my frens tell me. Don be committed. Don be stupid. Don't allow urself to fall in. Keep options open. That's e advice i got. I cant help but really think that they are very true. I ve no faith. Yet, I know that i will be happy if my friends n family are happy. Though there maybe times when u feel lonely. But, being alone doesn mean that u r "alone". It's all in e mind.
I don't know y i suddenly become so pessimistic. Time will tell.
Extracted from my Bravest gal:
If you are a girl, please take very good care of yourself. This isnt about girl power. This is about self-respect.Never allow yourself to be undermined, Especially by a guy.
This is so tru.
Tuition all day.. =super sianz
gg for a tuition marathon later starting at 1 plus. While my frens happily gg for Walkathon at kallang. STupid siah.. my only fren's gathering once a wk.. oso must be forfeited. Haiz.. too bad, la. I'm only a poor student. Worrying about my allowances. N my future allowance. It's either i earn it now, or never thing. At least gonna last me till i fly to vietnam.
Sucks! e only thing i look forward is tml. Where i can eat my Tao huey.. (beancurd). Kk say we can go tml.. hahah.. good good. Finally. Food is something never fail to cheer me up.
Next wk. All packed. My schedule. Ranging from mid-autumn celebration, tuition, doin my presentation n end with a dinner with my buddy. He is finally behaving normally. Thank god. kekez.. I'm really lousy in cheering people up.
that 's all folks. Time to wash up n get ready for marathon.
Friday, September 24, 2004
Nothing is forever
Today, heard a bad news from my fren. I may not know her very well. But, in my mind, she is someone you admire for her courage. I always have the impression that she is struggling very hard. Struggling very hard to be herself. Struggling to fight for her own happiness. Struggling to make things right when things just start crumplin down. We are always very busy in our studies then. That was in JC. E funny thing is that, i don really know my classmates (2 yrs) very well, but i know my 1st 3 mths classmates who left later better. They r the ones i always think is e "normal" people. Though they left for other JCs, we manage to keep in contact.
Today, as usual, i was on MSN. She asked me? why feeling lost as my nick suggested? I told her e reason. Then, I was told e bad news. She broke up with her ex. I was shocked. But, i knew the impact to her was there. During that toughest period where she struggle so hard, he was there. He was there for her. today, it was the same person who suggested to break up because she is not perfect for him. PERFECT? WHAT'S THAT? CAN YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
It's very scary. He can say he love you on one hand. On e other, he can just cast you away like that. In business term, it would be e Principle- Agency problem. You never know when he(agency) change his interest or suddenly decide to change his track.
It must be horrible. I have never been through this. 3 yrs of relationship just gone like that. I don know why, but when i read ur blog, i was overwhelmed with alot of emotions. I know that no matter how hard we try to console you, or give u encouragement. The pain is still there.
The whole blog esp today is really dedicated to you. There is no hard n fast rule to get rid of this heartache. The only thing is to be patient. Slowly, you will recover. Stand up again. You can only stand up if you want to. Dying is not a solution. It will only be too good for him.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Report on 2nd Driving lesson
Fun. Quite good sense of control. *wink*, lotsa of crap from my instructor, my car die TWICE only, actually only 1 one. But, when i try to make my last turn, haiz... Oops i did it again. Today, i drove from JE to Boon Lay. Rounds n Rounds. I make many stops. cause i told e instructor that i cant stop. Think i get e gist of it liao. Whenever u stop, u move to gear 1. When u move, move gear 2. Then, i don know when, u move to gear 3. My only prob for now is i cant seem to move e car in a st line. My instructor say jus look st. If u conc on e steering wheel, u will nv move in st line. Feel like controlin a daytona car. Anyway, it was fun. Hav a sense of achievement. I told myself this is going to be a bday present for myself next yr if i pass.
AFter that , i rush down to City hall to do my YEP stuff. Meeting. everyone except Lay HOng were late. In e end, we went to Food court to eat. I ate dessert. N later we discuss till e food court close at abt 10 plus. We went down to Cartel to discuss some more. u won believe, jus discussin on e price of e T-shirt itself, we discuss very long. Then, to car washing. Another big headache. From going to the MEET-E-MP session on thursday to askin Mrs Nathan for help. Wah.. big PROJECT huh.. i think if we can sell e T-shirt is already very good liao.. my whole discussion start at 730 n end at 1130. I reach home at 1220. Too bad, i don live east. If not, i ve someone to drive me home. save my cab fare.
OUr aim is $15000? possible? given more time n more faith yes.. we can do it. With all our tight schedule.. wah piang.. hard lor. TRY! HAVE FAITH! ~ quoted by Christina (backgrd info:she sold 200 T-shirts for last expedition) UNBELIEVABLE right?
I learn one thing from her. u never know if u don try. I mean everyone also say that. But, who can really do it?
jus bought my calling card. Singtel one. Don know got how many min? Don know if someone willing to be my guinea pig? to test call?
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
gonna be end of Sept soonz..
Lookin forward to everyday of my life. Time tickin. Meaning.. my youth ticking away too. Counting day by day too k.. *wink* esp to Huimei. Cos this ultimately leads to month by month. time passes when u r happy. Time passes all right to me.
Nothing to share. Nothing to look forward except tis comin tue. Lookin forward to driving. HOpe e instructor can teach something which i can pick up quickly too. Hope he don scold me. tired. Haven done my econometrics proj. Everyone saying how difficult it is. I don even know if it is that difficult. I shall cross the bridge when i come to it.
tired. The more i write, the more i feel wearier. time to sleep. Nite.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
some thoughts..
eventually, i woke up early for my lessson today. I was right. The tutor really pick on us but not me. The late ones got it. I was e first to arrive. But guess what, i din bring my tutorial. Damn.
But, luckily he din call out my name. If not, think i die. Anyway, e point is. Whether u prepare anot, din really matter. Cos, u r suppose to write on e transparency n teaching at e same time. "u r suppose to communicate using e transparency". I really feel nervous for e girl. I couldn imagine, if i were to present, i would tremble. I cant really think then.
Something interesting. A girl was tellin her fren "eh? how's holi? slack leh?!" " ya, lor, slack.. sianz.." i din mean to eavesdrop but i couldn help smiling. Seems like i'm not e only one. But u nv know. That gal is smart u know. from 01A51 (VJC) a scholar's class.
last 2 weeks to PSLE. I am so excited?! ya right. STress? not really. anyway, gonna plan e agenda for my tuitee for this sat's camp at my place. Haiz... look who's e parent here? anxious for him? nah.. no time. rather i am bit worried. My another student gonna take his final exam on 14 oct. jus aft e PSLE. That's mean i will work doubly hard during e next few weeks to earn my YEP allowance. tellin myself not to feel so stress.. cos i can always borrow from my parent first. e last resort.
hurray. finally ve 10 bucks more for my allowance this wk. Cos i sold something. made a loss though. suay~ nvm .. something is better than nothing.
anyway, din profit much cos that jus covers prob 20% of my cab fare this month.
extracted from KH's blog
He approached his deaf-ness with much optimism.. Was telling him about this deaf ger I knw.. A self-pity ger.. And he wants me to tell her that there is 4 ways to see things..- Accept reality- Face the past- Overcome it- Let it go
Simple yet Powerful words. Not many can do it. NOT even ppl with high IQ.
Learn alot from Lay Hong actually (a 40 yr old lady.. though we still speculating her age). Though she is deaf, she is really so optimistic. Can even make fun of herself. Says that she look like Garfield. Eh. i really think she really look like. Very adorable. Despite of her own disabilties, she prove to me that she is as capable than a able-bodied person like me. Running about searching more abt printing companies. I feel guilty.
Recently, i have this thought. After farrago, i mean after uni. I really want to go interact with e Intellectually disabled people or rather help e autistic children.
Monday, September 20, 2004
One lazy afternoon
the sun shine brightly. But, i ve no time for a swim. I did my work jus to prepare for a "war" tml. I know my tutor will sure pick on me IF N ONLY IF i am going to be late for class tml. *x my fingers* U never know. Recently, i wont climb out from my bed before 930. Damn it.
I feel that my buddy is angry with me. For ignoring him. He is nv like that. First time tell me he got no mood to swim with me. haiz.. excuses. Just like me? perhaps i took him for granted? must do something. Recently, busy slacking, if not, i be hanging out with my gfs. b4, i get really really bz, i must go out someday.
Yesterday, i went for YEP. Nothing unusual. My family day usually in SAD nowadays. The meeting was really unefficient. We still haven settle on e Logo. Everyone shooting at me with many ?? in their heads. I know. I know. I hope i be fully prepared when i go for e next meeting. Actually, i am at fault too. Too slack. I told Sini, i very nua.. too nua till i very lethargic. Must pick up something to make myself active.
In e end, i suddenly feel so stress. It just seems like one after another just tell me how nice their boyfriends. sad sad.. kekez.. i mean i really feel happy for u all. Serious. At e same time, i feel a tinge of bitterness. U start askin urself y is ur situation like this? actually u already know e reason. Anyway, it isn tt bad cos i reach home at 9pm n with only ($2 = 30 min talktime)remaining balance in my phone card, i called him. This $2 really makes alot of difference k. haha..
Have to get another soon. Perhaps tml.
Saturday, September 18, 2004
Huiyu's e dancer n all of us =)
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Huiyu's performance
Today, i was e part-time delivery gal for mooncake. ok. First, e delivery was smooth. But e return trip was diasastrous. I was late for my CCa. But, but luckily my student is even later than me. Wah.. she super. She say she late because she went to register for Wushu at Mediacorp. I think is e one conduct by Vincent Ng. haha.. then, she say if they teach not good, they will refund her $. Admire e spirit in her.. though she don look like e wushu type. kekez.. paiseh digress liao. Anyway, i stupid la. I was already at Aljunied but i took 154 back, n ended up in Toa Payoh. Haiz. cant take a cab cos i ve no cash with me. In e end, i cross e bridge n went to Paya Lebar, get $ from ATM n took a cab down. The uncle was so kind. So kind. Thank you so much though its like 4 bucks. Actually, i don really do much volunteer la. uncle din want to take $ from me cos he say i helpin out. haha.. i don really consider myself to be very wei da leh.. hmm..
Anyway, e main topic. Went to NUS to watch a dance performance by Huiyu. Though i don know her well la. Cos she is more close to Huimei, Qinlei (drawin frens),Bren n Jac but jus not me. haha.. well, she is a nice gal. Smart, petite like me, pretty n very virtutous type. tot she is quite suitable for someone *wink* i once told Ql b4.
Then e show ended quite early. We went to Pasir Panjang thr to eat e "famous" cheese prata. not bad, heard from it long time ago. But, this is e first time i try. Nice. Not bad to eat once in a while. keke.. tellin huimei, that place good for supper. i always go Geylang for supper or rather Bugis. Now, West oso not bad. Next time we go k? haha.. Then, back to gossiping. I am always e out one la. Cos i don ve first hand info. Reminiscing e old times in secondary school, lots of rumours. who like who la.. aiya, y i not one of e lead huh? keke.. i too low profile liao. N i look like a pig last time oso. kekez..
ve a great day today. Lookin forward to Mid-autumn celebration. Eh.. u all remember to plan hor. Don say say only! o ya n our KARAOKE!
Friday, September 17, 2004
Busy socialising..
Gossips .. Today went out with my clicks. .aka Anything gals.. keke.. so sharon being e organiser ask us out for dinner today. Anything lor. haha..
Yenxin, Yian, Jac, Bren, Sharon n me only. We went to JE kopitiam for dinner. Anyway, jus digress. The uncle at e kopitam really offers good service. He help us to set up table cos it was too crowded n ask us 3 times whether we want any drinks. We were waiting for Yian then so we say hold on. Anyway, his service not bad. Sometimes, u jus need some persistence to make e deal. haha..
Huimei went too. But, she went home before setting down for a proper meal. She had a headache. I think i understand how she feel. Sick n headache but no one to complain to.. It's hard ya gal. But, is only 3 weeks, learn to think more positive la. He will be back in 3 weeks time. N you can always ask me out if you want. kekez.. we r in e same boat. kekez.. though not exactly. Use his time to reflect on e relationship. Whether is thr anything u can improve on? Anyway, we will always be thr for you jus like you be thr for me too. =)
Back to our grp, today we share alot with each other. I think i very open abt it leh. haha..
Today hot topic was "third party". It kinda make me think alot. My situation will be very different. Jac was saying that gals shld always be on e guard. This nv occurs to me. Probly i think. Cos i ve no control. Everything looks blur to me. *not negative thinking k* No control of e situation cos i wldn know anything. Does tt mean assurance "help"? in a way, i think. At least it calms ur nerve. Recently, i ve been having such thoughts. kekez. probly i sleep well, eat well.. so too much time liao.
I also realise that. When you know nothing about e situation, you feel insecure. That is e time when ur thoughts will run wild sometimes, incontrollable. then, you feel even more irritated when u know more (unfavourable news). Am i correct?
sometimes, it'll be best to sleep on some problems. If it's meant to be, it's meant to. If not meant to, then too bad. What can you do right? Staying positive is e only way la. there r so many uncertainties ... tt we r unable to foresee.. if i were to worry abt so much things, think i be very a very sad person. This is e paradox of life. Life is short. Live life to e fullest. I am always reminding myself. "Jing re bu zhi ming re shi"
You should not rely on someone else to make u feel happy.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Slacking.. while others busy..
I don know what i ve been doin for e past 3 days. Do a little bit here n there = No work done.
I really hope this "rest" gg to make me walk longer distance.
People ve tons of projects to do. Me? 2 only. I haven done 1. The toughest one. Gg to do soon. waiting for rong n cai ge to help me. haha.. sucks.
busy catching up with my frens. My best fren yesterday. Wah. it's been a long time since we ever settle down sharing a plate of pasta n 1 salad. Basically we just talk abt everything. Transparency. I nv thought u share so much with me. I really appreciate it. when i first know you, we were 12 then. young teenager.. now? gg to be an adult soon. Time flies.
Not to worry ya. I cant say much about destiny n fate. When it comes, it comes. Sometimes, you jus ve to catch hold of e opportunity. If i can make it, u obviously can. I'm sure when tt day comes, you'll understand.
In life, we always hope for something when we don ve. When we ve it, we tend to take it for granted. We always envy.
Love or Bread? This nv occurs to me. Never. It's hard to balance. Sometimes, we ve to sacrifice one. Which one? Everyone differs. For me, I choose Love. And i earn my own bread. Fair? =)
Monday, September 13, 2004
Thank U dinner - Mirammar Hotel
sumptuous dinner ya.. =P
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hihi.. rush down at 6 plus to ve my dinner at Miramar Hotel. Aiya, reach there on time. But was considered early la.. aiya.. shld ve put some make-up.. make myself pretty if i know they din start on time. As usual, e farrago ppl will talk n talk n crack jokes non-stop. Finally, it was time to eat. It was buffet style. We being e kiasu farragians.. had already come up with a strategy. We were sitting quite near the buffet table. So, each one of us has their own duty/ responsiblity. Mine was to take 12 small plates for our table. The ours.. will each get a different food. Wah. we miscalculate.. we take more than wat we can eat. *e pic u see above is actually e second round*anyway, in e end, we had to play "zhong ji mi ma" to finish off e food. And guess wat, i had never be so lucky b4. I had to eat 3 times.. cos i guess e correct no. Sigh~ if my exam luck is as good.. kekez..
photo-taking~
Farrago 03/04 with Wenhui - e one smart white shirt
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Wenhui join us at our table while we play e game. In e end, he still lose n had to eat .. This pic actually consist of Farrago (my batch but w/o jiahui). Nice photo. After dinner, we decide to do some R & R .. we begin to take photos after photos.. as quoted by yiwen "we doin permutation ah?" kekez.. sought of. The whole dinner ended with a song. It was quite heart-warming. It is my first time attending Thank you dinner from WSC (welfare services club). I had nv been involve in volunteerism in such "big-scale". It wasn't a great leap for me. From a choir gal to doin sth that i am interested in. The biggest bonus i had was to be able to bond well with my fellow Farragians. It is a night that i think i made a right choice in choosing WSC / RSPHI / Farrago when i enter NTU.
Farrogo guys.. not very handsome but charismatic.. =P
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Farrago Gals .. chio leh.. haha..
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YEP
woah.. had my Interpretation (Terp) course from 2 to 5 pm. I am surprise that i pay attention thru out e whole presentation. In e end, I am right. Terping is difficult. Wat ASL, PS.. SEE.. wah.. e terminology is damn shiong.. Now, deciding whether gg for e interview anot?.. am i commited enough to be a Terp. B4 this, must think how can i survive thru e interview. How to understand wat they signing.. still ve to sign a story.. (though its a children story la.. but with my limited vocabs.. die.. ) somemore, u still be on probation and u will need to go out for assignment. But hor, its really cool to be a Terp leh.. but i know.. alot of effort need to be put in. E courage to stand in front or on stage, sometimes probly ve to face e "wat u signing? i don understand?" looks on e HI (hearing impaired). nvm.. i still got time to think abt it.
Then,i had my YEP meeting at 530 till. 1030. Wah.. we play a game which lasted for like 45 min when all of us racking our brain to think of e solution. Serene, our facilitator was observing how we doing it and we were suppose to share our thoughts. I got a feeling tt Serene try to remind us time n time again tt we should be more sensitive to e HI. There shldn be a barrier btw us.
I was sharing my thoughts with KK. Sometimes, when we know that there is a prob but we shouldn go solve e problem directly. sometimes, it might be better to leave it as it is... tt's one thing i learn. Of course, this theory doesn apply to all problems.
O ya. I remember. I saw my ENEMY yesterday at red hill. I think i will never forget her face. Her name is Faye. My pri sch mate and she is from EM1 n I simply hate her. Its hard for me to hate somebody u know. haha.. of cos.now i older so.. anyway, think she remember me too. think coz i stare at her.. i still remember y my hatred for her increase due to one incident. For this teacher's day, we have this Miss pageant, so i rep my class for this la.. i was e second last contestant. She was e host. "Who is ur fav model?" I was speechless. Well, e correct ans was "Cindy Crawford". Who e heck is she?.. I was still pri 5 then. Kaoz.. i mean who will know lor? n i hate her for this. And i tink she is bimbo n bitchy too.. haha..i very bad hor.
must end this blog soon. Gg to be super bz e whole monday. From 9 to 10 pm. Rushing from sch, cityhall, home, miramar hotel (thank you dinner) n home.
feel like talkin to him. Sigh~
Sunday, September 12, 2004
before i sleep.. ^-^
today as usual a hectic day for me. i woke up at 8 am. then, i toss n turn till 9 am then wake up. Trying to type my report due on monday morn but i din.. cos i was flipping thru.. trying to figure out e content of e report. Before i can type a single word, it is like 1030, so i rushed out to redhill for my tuition.
I don't y. I sat there.. n i cant stop yawning. My eyes were tired e moment i sat there at the table.. asking my kid e process on fertilisation a "hundred times". Now, i can finally understand why is it so hard for science teacher to teach sexual reproduction. Haiz.. i was like.. so then.. e sperms.. ah huh.. *pause* do wat???.. *waiting for my kid to answer me*. Woah.. tt was tough man! i din want to stop too long at tt chapter cos.. i din want my face to turn red so... luckily my kid did his work, he seem to understand e chapter quite well. Thank god!
ya.. gg to mention abt my farrago dinner. Again?! haha. hey i skip my movie outing jus to go out with farrago k.. Today, me, sini, kahhui, huijing, Aaron, KK, ada and gillian went to e California Pizza Kitchen near Forum (orchard) to eat pizza.. duh~ cos.. sini got a $100 voucher (her mum won for her lucky draw) e food is good but ex la.. but e taste abit different leh. I shld say unique. We ordered like 4 pizzas (regular size), 1 pasta, 3 appetizers lor. We spent like $100 plus abit. So in e end, we folk out like $1 extra la. Hey, thanks sini. =)
As e guys are not full (obviously), we decided to go for another round. kekez.. HJ very ke lian.. cos she was like cravin for tao huey.. but we refuse to go to bugis. kekez.. kinda miss my dao huey oso.. nvm.. thr is always next time. So, in e end, we walk to far east plaza, did a bit of shopping with gillian (but e shops closing). Then, i share my first gelato (italian ice-cream) with Sini. It taste abit like yogurt, not really creamy leh. kekez.. claimed to be *fat-free* la.. u believe? kekez..
So, we walk n walk till we reach somerset.. those.. dark alleys.. haha. where we found a Kiliney Kopitiam to settle for some kaya toast n tea, tang yuan.. It was already 1020 when we reach there. All of us are tired, sweaty and hot. Then, KH and HJ start talking about YSL or YSB.. stands for Young Single Loaded or Young Single Broke. kekez.. Then, e guys was like SNB (single n broke) or rather SAD (Single and Desperate) but.. e most powerful one comes from Ada, SEX (Single, Experienced n Xciting) everyone esp e gals burst out laughing lor. That was so ... !
To conclude, i really enjoy myself. I don really like to go out in groups. But if i do, that means i really like to be with them. I am rather anti-social one. Cause i don want to feel left out in a group. when i am in Farrago jus like when i am with my clicks, they know me well enough so i do not ve to put up a false front. When i am happy, i smile. When i'm not, i don't. Even if i walk alone, i don't feel left out. I know I'm always in e group. Right? Though I am only in Farrago for like 1 yr plus. Does all of u feel this way? ** i really hope we continue to stay bonded.. time will tell =)
as usual, i reached home at 12 plus. another sat "group dating" kekez..
Friday, September 10, 2004
stupid analogy
"how come a papaya tree will have 10 papaya trees leh?" "one papaya tree in jurong n one in ang mo kio?" It's all because of a bird. it will fly, eat e fruit, shit (together with e seed) and e seed will grow in ang mo kio lor.. kekez.. while i was tellin this to my student, i feel like laughing. kekez.. i think it makes sense la. What do you think?.. kekez..
Today, think i flung my presentation again. Haiz. though i tell myself to be confident but.. when i stood there. My composure just gave way. i was shaking lor. With e puzzled look on my tutor's face, i cant carry on. Luckily, towards the ending part, i think i am a bit better. Nvm.. i shall look at my "end product" when i dl my presenation next wk. My friend say i very fierce, din smile. Sorry la.. =P
My mood has been getting better n better each day? why huh? I realise that when you have problems together with illness or having hormonal change (gals) , you just feel extremely depressed. haha.. now, is yu guo tian qing. la la la la lah .. .. (trying to whistle) kekez.. rubbish! =P
Thursday, September 09, 2004
O i love driving..
at least for e first lesson. kekez.. yeah.. !! though there was like. .alot of adminstrative work to do.. ve to go BBDC register n stuffs.. wasting my damn time!! The BBDC ppl oso very biased leh.. do their students first. c la. make me learn like half an hour of lesson only.. but.. it was fun. " press clutch.. press accelerator.. slowly let go of clutch.. ." "press clutch.. change gear.. press accelerator.. let go of clutch.. " tt's all i learn today. It was fun. Though the car die only 3 TIMES!! Good? kekez Cai ge was still saying good luck to my instructor when i told him i gg for my FIRST lesson. haha. it is really fun la.. haha.. =) But, i do ve prob la.. don think i am a genius lor!! i cant seem to stop e car. i hope i won ve "red light traffic-phobia".. cos e car die everytime i try to stop e car. sigh~
Now, i look forward to every drving lesson. sigh~ no lesson next wk.. *sob*.. now, i ve a new "activity" to occupy myself. It's good to try something new. Change is e spice of life..
change
"change is e only constant in life". I truly believe in that. I once BX and those helping him that no one can help u if u don 't help urself. I also strongly believe in that. Having going through emotional roller-coaster e whole of 2 mths, i realise that I ve totally "abandon" my school of thought. I ve not practice what i "preach". I mean this is very common to many people also. Often. the things that we do doesn coincide with what we say. This is very contradicting.
I suppose life is contradicting. I once made a decision that I am strongly believe in. yet, in e end i failed. I suppose i din pick myself up after that. I realise that sometimes its not good to pursue what you really want, because u may not like the ending/ result. Then, i realise that it is the journey/ process that is most important. Sometimes, i just like to do whatever that is being fixed or arranged for me. In this way, i can only blame god/ luck / watever.. n not myself. haha..
I am beginning to lose faith. I think i am impatient. I think i ve to do more things not for myself, do more for others. Helping others make u grow as a person. At least i need to wait for the residing pain to go away before i can "treat" it again.
Does this blog sound very negative? kekez.. don worry. I'm not. Sigh. . This is life. Life is beautiful.
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Dare not be late..
haha.. tot i gonna go for my lesson till 530. Then, huimei told me that she not gg for GE. Wah.. tempt me again. So, i didn go too.
Today there is a new lecturer for my monetary econs. Wah.. he very jialat lor. kekez.. quote from wencai "another qian da" lecturer. He would ask those who are late to answer questions lor. Hmm.. this time I'm gonna get it. I dare not be late for my tuesday tutorial liao if not he will aim me... Wah.. stress. haiz.. nvm.. luckily.. only for 5 wks.. i like e previous one better. He always let us off early. kekez.. I'm behaving like a child.
So, my CCA dicussion end at 130. But, then, because i'm e one not taking any accounting quiz this friday, so i volunteer to do e work la. Aiya.. I so good hor. I volunteer to do for myAB214- Bus comm.. letter dued this friday (done yesterday) and the scanning of pages (for CCA).. spent like 2 hrs plus jus doin brainless work. As i was scanning in e library, many ppl queue behind me .. I'm so sorry lor but i cant let them go first cos. e damn scanning machine might crop up lor. Then, i don't know how to configure e thing again( if not for e technician lor).while i was walkin across my HDB downstairs, i saw my tuitee's brother. He's really a cute lor. kekez. .. you can see that he is toothless - "boh gay" esp on his upper teeth. I don really know what he is talking about. And e most cute thing is that, when i say i going home, he was like "i know where you live. 3rd floor right? then, he started asking me if i know where he live. haha.. sometimes.. talking to them jus make you smile.
going to ve my first driving lesson tml. It's gonna determine whether i love or hate driving. kekz.. i am pretty excited about it. =)
Monday, September 06, 2004
jus return from a war.. tired =)
kekez.. war?.. no la.. jus a huge debate i had at 830 at mac. I had to get up as early as 730 n go down ve discussion though i have no sch today. very sad right? kekez.. was having a great argue with my proj mate over e whole presentation. I think while two of us busy arguing, one was shakin head.. haiz.. "when can u all stop this?" kekez.. finally she spoke up. " actually hor.. both of u can put e idea inside lor, c who present then say wat la.. " Quite true.
sometimes, i just feel like giving in la. I must admit that one of my proj mate is domineering lor. But, ultimately is for e whole grp la. so we don bear any grudges la. kekez.. jus tt i pity my e other fren leh.. kekez. .she seems more quiet and they are both in Marketing. Same class, same with timetables. heez.. i think i think too much liao.
Kekez.. me and Sini oso like that one. Sini is more vocal and domineering too. So everytime we disagree with anything, she will always say " aiya, this one we later then say la.. " kekez.. jus to avoid e conflict. In the end, she will still do it her own way. haha.. Typical of saggi? haha..i don know.
Sometimes, i am just too lazy to argue lor. This theory applies to how i deal with my friends, family and many other things. Unless, i feel extremely strong about sth. If not, i just let it go and follow e flow. This is probly why i am not capable of leadership position.
Sunday, September 05, 2004
i don like ppl who lie
argh~ i still wake up like 8 am.. to switch on my com. then.. what happen?? i went back to sleep.. nvm..=) haiz.. disappointed.. but.. nvm.. don expect la. =)
feeling dizzy now after a wine, sake, beer tasting session at Raffles city. to conclude Draft beer is e best la.. Today me and e farrago grp went to Liang Seah St for a zi cha. We pay 10 bucks each for tie ban tofu, veg, seafood soup, calamari, chicken and one more. Not bad la.. though e auntie was damn bz and e service wasn't really that good. After, that me and sini, thought we can go shop at Bugis but was "tempt" by Ada to go Raffles City for wine tasting. kekez..
Today, my student told me a funny thing. As we were going through the lesson (hungry ghost festival), my student say she don believe in ghost. When she was young, she as told not to step on e black burnt marks on e pavement as it would bring "dirty" thing. Then, when she grow up, she saw cats walking over it and also nothing happen to it. Then, she began to realise how stupid she was, so she also heck care and walk over those burnt marks. I mean that is an interesting observation lor.
To conclude: today I am happy. Because of a special call from someone. also, i am happy for myself cause I no longer ve negative thoughts. I hope i continue to feel this way. Hope i won do anything stupid.. *x fingers*
cannot imagine
I just realise how petty am i? Seriously no one.. has ever.. i mean.. ever make me angry for more than 24 hr.. I realise how sore i can be too.. its quite funny when u think back. "Vroom.. " n u r sad n angry.. e whole day leh.. seriously.. haha..
but, as i write here. I no longer feel anything jus very childish only. Cause usually i get angry very easily n i cool down. like.. 2 hrs later. That is e standard practice. I remember how Yiwen always make me so angry in class.. (i was still ignorant then.. ) wah.. is those kind smoke comin out.. but.. i be okie.. la.. cause i will. then. not wait for anyone. (my gang. sharon, ql, yiwen).. n go straight home which is not typical of me. Then, they will know that I am angry. Last time no HP, so cant sms me.. askin me if all right anot. but, by e time i reach home, i eat, watch tv.. n probly a call from one of them (depends on situation).. then, I be okie liao..
haha.. anyway, must try not to get too angry very often cause it will make me older. Right? =)
Saturday, September 04, 2004
nothing to write
Today, i took a nap. Wah.. almost cannot wake up for my tuition at 4 pm. anyway, i reach thr at 530. Today, i try to look as refresh as possible. actually it wasn't so bad la. So, i did my 2 hr of work. O ya.. my student failed two test. one eng n sci. Sci?.. hmm. not my prob.. cos.. i don teach him tat. Haiz.. my student do not seem to be more motivated to work harder.. I don't know what to say. i end my tuition at 730. then, her mum was complaining to me .. how her two sons.. are driving her crazy by not studying despite all e tuitions n $ spent on them. It seems that her sons are used to her crying. then, i vividly remember how my grandmother used to scold my brother till she cried. yet, no bro showing no repent.
Is like tat la.. if your son cant study, u cant force him to. Just like my brother. He has to learn e hard way out. She was also telling me that stay single .. don marry n ve children (against e baby bonus ..kekez ).. true.. wat if i ve children like them?. Hmm.. Can i give up on them?
Just remind me something. After i step out of the house half an hour later, I was feelin so relieve. Its hard to give up on someone that you really care so much for. I suppose it feels as if you've been stab many times if you give up cause your heart really hope that you press on..
today i jus contribute to the economy.. my cab fare.. as i rush down to cityhall.
Friday, September 03, 2004
right into your face
It's been a long time since i am so angry. Angry at what i said. Angry at his reply. Decide to cool down. It will be good for us. I should have always believe in myself. It will not work if you don't believe that it will work out. True. Absolutely. Often, getting to attach to something spoils everything. Finally, you "exploded" - which is my motive after saying so much. I don't know how should i be feeling. Happy that you have fallen into my trap? However, after being very contented with myself, i feel very sad. Sad that I've fallen into my own trap.
Learn to let go. Don't try to spite each other. Move on with your life. always remember to "guard" urself. Take control of yourself. Be more rational (u suppose to be an econs student right? kekez.. ). Learn not to get too attached. You just ruin most things. Be positive. N e last thing i want to hear is "ve faith". you survive through e toughest JC years, sports camp.. wat else ve you not experience?
i will survive.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
"It always pay to wait" - cite from KK
today, went ve a "tok cok" session with Sini.. thks hor.. ni mei.. haha.. know u ve tons to do oso.. think u ve a longer list than me.. in ur Agenda - last quarter 2004. take it ez k.. we shall support each other.. haha..
think i am adapting quite well. though i still little thoughts here n there.. but generally all right. haha... to those reading these.. i know..its very blur.. i don know how to explain oso.. to quote from Sini.. " if no prob, then.. no prob la.. no need to think of one.. " - self-prophency. .. quite true.. some prob are non-existent, it is often us to think that there are.. actually i oso don know if ve any prob.. haha.. cant figure out myself oso..
Quote: We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Agenda - last quarter 2004
okie. today pretty fine. a bit tired.. almost fall asleep during my second lec.. but still managed to listen abit la.. then. rush down for my CC2 lesson planning with Gary they all.
okie. I ve tons of things to do. so, pardon me cause I'm going to sort out my thoughts.
First, i ve to get my letter on Quadra done by this friday. my over-dued n soon over-dued econometrics tutorials done by thur morning b4 1230. get my PDL in BB driving centre after lesson tml. ve tuition at 630 pm on thur. Friday, ve a grp meeting at 230 pm for AB214 as i ve a presentation (wah lao.. more difficult article.. Singsongster.com) next friday. o ya, suppose to half done my CC2 lesson 5 so that i can hand in on Sunday Farrago lesson. o ya, and my FUNDRAISING - suppose to come up with a timeline for my fundraising n email e rest.
As for my weekend, my sat is free. morning, tuition at redhill.evening, think i ve to go for a small grp meeting for YEP for my fundraising. so, left only afternoon for me to read my monetary econs text which is tested this coming tue. Sunday, my regular service for Farrago in e afternoon.
Monday, another round of rushing for my tutorials for e week. Wednesday meeting for Farrago lesson planning. Fri, ve presentation n discussion for my holi assignment for Econ theory 1.
then, my sept holi.. one wk.. precious wk.. cant slack.. use this time wisely.. for my Ecnometrics in assignment!! n my fundraising...
as for e upcoming one, ve 2 main presentation (one for AB214, GE - dued on 13 Oct) haiz.. PLEASE DON CHOOSE A NON-EXAMINABLE SUBJECT/MODULE!! u die from having alot of projects... think after my Sept break, ve presentation on alt wk. every wk i shall ve discussion either for planning for CC2 lessons, GE, AB214 (big n small presentations)..
with all these, i ve my EXAMS too.. PSLE starting from 2 - 7 OCT.. haiz. as if.. i am e one taking it.. haiz.. plus.. driving lesson every wk.. (pretty excited abt it..)
but, my worse fear is still e fundraising. haiz. really scared tt i cant raise e money.
my last wk of tutorial (cite from Wencai.. shld be last wk of OCt) then, i break for exam. wah.. finally can breathe liao.. have exam from 12 to 19 Nov. after tt, continue my fundraising, till 13 DEc, n off i go.. to VIETNAM HO CHI MIN.. be back on 30 Dec..
Wah.. my schedule.. fully packed.. !! haiz.. abit sianz.. i can remember e last time, i went in for interview as programmer for COR2004 last june when i was yr 1 sem 1 student. wah..i like damn regret lor.. tt time, i was complaining to sini. wah.. got lotsa to do.. shldn ve take part this n that.. but tt time.. still got sini la.. so not so bad.. jus complain to her.. n she complain back to me.. time was hard but.. still bearable.. kekez.. =)
wha.. why am i doing this to myself? Conclusion: it jus shows that i cant stand being bored.. i rather lead a hectic life..