Sunday, May 29, 2005
Suffering Transforms..
Was reading this book titled " One true thing". At first, I couldn't quite comprehend the story.. cos it's quite narrative. Later.. due to long hours on the train, I had to read something to pass my time.. I began to understand the story. It is about a cancer mother.. and how her daughter or rather her family try to take care of her and come with terms with her illness. I thought the feelings described was very familiar to that mentioned in Tuesday with Morrie. I suppose when you are struck with an illness.. (serious one), you tend to think more and began to see things.. in a different perception.
" You can be hard, you can be judgemental and with those 2 things alone, you will make a mess of your life the likes of which you won't believe"
About marriage:
" you make concessions when you are married a long time that you don't believe you'll ever make when you're beginning. You say to yourself when you are young, you wouldn't tolerate this or that or the other thing, you say love is the most important thing in the world and there's only one kind of love and it makes you feel different than you fel the rest of the time, like you're lit up. But time goes by and you've sleep together a thousand nights and smelled like spit up when babies are sick and seen your body droop and get soft. And some nights you say to yourself, i had enough and you won't put up it. And next morning you wake up and look at your husband and he's not the person you used to think he was but he's your life. The house and children and so much you do are built around him and your life, your history. If you take him out of your life, its like cutting his face out of all the pictures, there's a hole and it's ugly. It would ruin everything. It's more than love, it's more important than love.
"people love in different ways. Sometimes hugs & kisses, sometimes something else. And sometimes they can't feel it, they're just made that way."
I kinda of like this book. I have not finished the book.
Had a hectic Saturday.. rushing to n fro.. coming back home at around 4 am in the morning. Went drinkin with Sini.. talking.. about my bottled up feeling that I've had in the past week. She said something very right. I was angry and I still am. However hard i try to hide my feeling.. my weakest link.. it just "errupted" again. I try to tell myself to be more generous.. then again, I am not. I am angry at myself too.
I don't know if she said this right. The guilt will always linger in your heart if you are a very principled person. Are you? I don't know. But being an "evil" person.. I hope it does haunt you for the rest of your life. Then again.. to err is human. It wasn't intentional after all.
.. i still believe in the healing power of Time.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
feeling uneasy
What's the problem? Feeling uneasy the whole day. Actually feeling shitty la.. Maybe Henry wasn't there. No one to talk to. Occupying a big cubicle doing my stuffs.. neverending stuff. I thought I cleared almost everything on my table. THen.. when e BIG FOUR appears on my watch.. Tong Kiat came along.. n handed me some stuffs..
HoNestly.. I have not totally healed. Not going to fool myself. aiya.. always kena this.. esp after talking to Bomb. I just cannot control myself la.. actually, quite angry with myself.. then, again.. i guess i feel better if I stop lying to myself.... flash backs.. emotions.. flooding my mind and heart. Who's right.. who's wrong. Actually, I have no intention to blame it on anyone. Yet.. you can't help but feel that u are always RIGHT. It's selfish way of thinking. Hey.. so it's like.. a fight in ur heart. Can't stand myself.
When that moment comes, I start pressin my keypad.. askin for help. Fortunately, my "help" is always available. Thanks darling. =)
u really makes me feel so much better..
Monday, May 23, 2005
paINtIng nails
Painted it pink and red. Out of curiosity and fun la.. Must I have boyfren to paint my nails?..no right? I was shocked when my mum asked me. Yaya.. got boyfren la.. how she know?
Then again, when you enter adulthood, you tend to do "womanly" stuffs. Suddenly, you do stuffs.. that you never thought of doing.
Whew.. my wkend just past like that. Soon, it's work tomoro. Hey.. I really had a zhuo bo weekend. Actually I can ask my fren out. .but I'm just too tired. Trying to save some money also. kekez..
Going to crack my head tomoro. Time to use my brain !
So sad. My dad say he is not going to cook for me.. once i graduate! where got like that?.. seems that i take things for granted huh.. That was me in e past but now no more k.. aiya.. now, how i wish i got a younger sibling.. so my parents.. can still cook when i start work. Can you imagine coming home after work.. feeling tired and drained.. and then.. you have to eat "ta bao". So sad right! So pathetic.. *sobs*
I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP!
Then, i shall learn how to cook le.. DaMN.. can't help cursing.. I guess i won't cook la. Nvm.. I shall get a boyfren to cook for me.. haha.. That shall be my wish for next yr..
Now, i shall just enjoy my last yr.. of schooling and enjoy everything that is being taken care of..
LIfe sucks. Nope. Adulthood sucks!
Saturday, May 21, 2005
123456789.. 10
just came back from a 10 hour OT. Tired.. from seeing rows and rows of numbers. Its not e end k.. i think.. i going to get this shit.. for next wk.. n since Henry leaving.. hmph.. damn.
So busy this week.. Time flies. Tomoro.. will be a rest day. Nothing is being planned. Actually there is .. but is being postponed. So.. good. I shall rest.
Today. I shall blog about my colleagues. They are really nice people. I am the quiet one. There is CHristina, my supervisor. She is my boss.. but she is a nice boss.. and her Excel skills.. is superb. If there is anything i learn.. it would be e Excel skills.. haha. .. Next is Tong Kiat.. her helper.. but she is also very nice.. Then, there is Christine.. ( my Boss's boss secretary.. ).. she is talkative.. but.. very cheerful... There are also many others.. like Jolene, John..
AFter eating 2 weeks of cai peng.. I went to a Jap restaurant at Boon Lay.. Wah.. wat an eye-opener.. there is room.. * those u c.. on tv*.. I thought i had to take off my shoes.. and kneel down to eat.. but.. then, there is actually a hole.. below.. to put our legs.. very cool.. The food there is okie.. price reasonable.. But, i really like e ambience.. Very private and cosy place to chill out with ur gal-frens..
Actually, i really find that the people in my company really very helpful.. they also like to snack.. haha..
Today. everyone was so busy typing.. numbers.. into the Excel spreadsheet.. *we are doing some payroll thing*. I was doing it from 9 am to 7 pm. You can hear sighs.. every few min.. It was really very exhausting.. esp.. when u had to tally against e grand total. Sucks.. i haven even balance my "month" of payroll.. but then, i am gradually losing my focus so i can't figure what went wrong. =P * shall fixed it when i return*
I shall try to enjoy my wkend. Though.. not as fun as some people going to Clubmed *wink* .. n i have to work OT.. ok. I shall stop comparing.. kekez..
*nice to chill out.. with a beer.. when u r feeling tired.. *
cheers.. to my long wkend.. minus 1.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
full of mum mum.. 
Friday, May 13, 2005
nOt fUN wOrKiNG
I was super drained every single day. Have not worked for 2 whole years since KPMG .. All i did was tons n tons of filing, punching holes.. searching for files... do some invoice proforma thingy.. Trying to learn as much as i could.. copying every single tasks I'm asked to do.. on my exercise book. Luckily for me, my colleagues are all very helpful and friendly. I also got to know a new friend. His name is Henry. What a name! haha.. cos he just reminded me of someone.. haha.. someone close to me. Very close to me. kekez..
Anyway, he is leaving next week. haiz.. No one to chit-chat.. and make me laugh.. haha. He will tell you those very crappy jokes.. or rather his experiences.. that is like so 'weird' and u just duh.. and break into giggles.. =P
My company actually offers transport for us. Everyday, i have to walk 10 min to the bustop on my high heels.. in e end, my small toes ended up in bruises.. poor toes.. I like my Friday. One more thing, I like about my company is that i can wear casual clothes.. even jeans.. yeah.. Feels so comfortable and casual.
One thing i don't like about my company is their PC. No internet. Nothing. I wonder.. n wonder. Where on earth can you find a PC that has nothing but excel, words.. and JDW program only.. haiz.. I seldom face the computer.. It just turns u off completely.. haha..
Time passes all right. Though not as fast as that time i worked in KPMG.
Now, everyday, I have to eat at the canteen which offers rice n veg.. though they have specialities like Chicken Chop, Nasi Lemak, Fried rice.. etc. But then, I don't eat la.. I always choose the healthiest of all la. I guessed after 10 weeks, I'm not gonna to touch 'cai fan' for quite some time.
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Went for my yoga yesterday. It was very relaxing. I almost fall asleep. I really feel very fatigue after work. It's like your body works..for that office hours.. after that. It stops functioning and you just feel like lying down, taking off your lens and not moving at all.
Guessed i took the right exercise for this period. I really need some relaxing..
I'll just take one more week to adapt to this.. before i start on my agenda for this holi.. =)
Best of luck to whoever on attachment ya. .. Hang in there.. we will survive! 9 more weeks to go!!
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Time to stop mindless binge-ing
I ate alot. I deserved it. After 4 weeks of mugging and leading a "army" style life. I need a break from my routine. For the past few days, I've been playing and eating "hard". Very tired. haha.. it's even more tiring than studying. I've not came home before 12 midnight for the past 4 days. Can you imagine.. I play till my mascara and eyeliner smudged, making me look like a panda. super super sloppy and draining.. by e time i got home.
Went to Mag's party yesterday. The food was delicious. Her mother is a great cook. The spaggetti was nice.. haha.. i try to control myself la.. There was one dish where slices of baguette spread with garlic, tomato and top with olives.. Hmm.. that is simply to good to resist. Later we play a game.. something like Win Lose or Draw. It was fun. It seems that the words that our group choose are all quite challenging. I had to draw like "Chinese Takeaways". Man! That was hard. I try to draw a cheongsam cos.. i din't know what to draw be chinese.. unless i write chinese words la.. But then, it wouldn't be fun then. My friend, Shuli, picked a word and she just drew a face and draw 2 lines ( or rather dashes).. Do you know what is it? -- china ( they stereotype that chinese have "pheonix eyes". I went home at about 11 pm.
While trying to catch my last train .. got a call from Sini.. and went down to CCK kopitiam to la kopi.. with yiwen and Liping. Then, we had a chat on the topic on "guys". It was interesting. I agree with Liping .. most of things that she said. Once bitten, twice shy. I am glad she starts to trust guys.. ( Sometimes.. is good to act ignorant and beginning to learn to trust again). It took her 2 years. I wonder when will i start to trust anyone again?
On friday, i went out with Ah bren, jac, sharon, yian they all.. to pick my prezzie. Wanted to get a Levi's jeans.. but think.. i grown fat and couldn't fit into one. Wanted to get a adidas jacket.. coolz black. haha.. But, they don't have my size. or rather run out of stock. Hmm.. in e end, i went home empty-ended. haha. Well, good things are worth waiting for.. =) After shopping till.. 9 plus, we decided to go Holland V to Breko. I had my oreo cheese cake!! Suddenly have a craving for that. It was the ultimate sin la. Cheese cake with Corona beer. Haha. It's nice to give yourself a treat la. I seriously don't believe in curbing too much of your craving. That is why I've decide to extend my "slimming plan". I planned to prolong to 4 mths to shed 2-3 kg? Not very hard right ?.. heez..
Have some discipline. Please.
Happy Mother's day.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
4 May 2005
It was a tiring day. Though, i must say I enjoy myself alot alot.
I must complain that the stupid weather is not helping me. I wanted to gym the past few days but due to the rain, i decided to stay at home. Then, yesterday, thinking that I would be eating alot, I decided to go gym. I went all the way to JE complex. You know what, they have a staff meeting, the whole sports complex din't open. I can only blame myself. Then, i went all the way back home again. Haiz. .. waste my time.
Well, the rest of the day went well. I met up with Sini and Yiwen, we went to Wheelock for Sakae. Wah.. we ate alot. plates after plates.. Dearest yiwen, hmm.. is not that i want to say la.. but hor.. the 1st thing for dieting.. to to eliminate all the FRIED STUFFS! haha.. actually, i never like fried stuffs though.. But, then.. it was delicious la.. ( eat once in a blue moon still okie la.. )
Then.. we went shopping. yeah.. yeah.. I have not shop for very very long. haha.. i bought my first birkenstock shoes.. at a price.. (much lower.. ) I never thought my small foot can save so me $50 bucks. muahhaha... I aim very long le..
I also bought a Mango top. Cheap cheap one.. But.. It was quite a sexy piece.. haha.. love it. =)
Due to my short torso, i din't get to buy one Green top.. from Topshop.. though i really like the cutting. haiz.. too bad.. Nvm I'm sure there are prettier ones out there .. =P
Then, I reached Sharon's house at about 8 plus. We had Canadian pizza. Wah.. It was terrific. Thank you Sharon for preparing Salad for me.. ( jus for me leh.. w/o the thousand island sauce.. ) heez.. It was very very delicious and healthy. Sorry gals. i know I'm not a good entertainer la.. But, we had a great night out ya..
To conclude. It was a heartwarming and cosy celebration. A celebration that I appreciate very much though there isn't any big party.. many friends or presents around.
Thank you for the prezzie also. It is very pretty. I love it. Finally got a new bag for next sem.. I'm sure this prezzie will bring me lots of good luck n blessing.. *x fingers*
Though u may not know. I was still very happy when I managed to dig out.. not sure if tis is e starting of many problems.. but glad tt you msg.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Jus like any ordinary day
Tomoro will be just another ordinary day minus the Community Centre part.For the last few weeks, I've had the same routine .. waking up at 7 am sometimes even earlier at 6 plus. Get into my sports bra and tee, grab my handphone and earpiece.. slip on my sport shoes.. and goes running. I'll be back by 8.. then..i jus wait.. for an hour before getting the 1st bite of the day .. Then, I'll head out to CC by 10 am.
Tomoro won't be any big changes.. Just that.. I be going out. Going out for a lunch. Then, heading Sharon's house in the evening for booze session.
Happy Birthday.
Good night. =)
Monday, May 02, 2005
Feeling fat n happy
I really ate a lot yesterday. Especially the bee hoon n fried chicken wings. I must say that I have no craving for fried stuffs but i ate in order to finish up.. how i wish i could squat in e toilet to throw it up. But, I din't. Can feel that my stomach is bloated with "toxic". haha..
Yesterday was a tiring day. But, it was fun. My whole clicks except Yian was there and Yiwen n Sini. Thanks babes for coming. I woke up early in the morning, not to prepare stuffs but.. wake up early as usual. Then, i went to the supermart for shopping at Clementi. It was a last minute shopping. My parents had a fight though which later involve a third party. I realise that you really need to have a good mood to drive if not.. I wouldn't be surprise if you had an accident. My dad was pretty upset .. I'm sorry.
I know that I'm not a good host la. I don't know how to entertain my relatives though. It was a very last minute thing. And I am glad they turned up. Though i never thought i will want to have a small scale party. It was hard.. especially when my exams not over yet. I am worried. it's the most unprepared paper. haiz.. Heck, jus gonna mug this whole day.
After my relatives left, we gals.. jus sat on the floor and chat.. discussing when and how to celebrate me and jac's bday.. Everyone's busy haa.. hard to fix a day though. We did la.. eventually.
Then, we went to JE for a dinner. I din't eat anything cos i was damn full.. from e fruits ( which i was trying to finish). Then, with my 2 and half inch high heels, we walked to Giant at IMM to buy booze n popcorns for wednesday night. It's going to be chill out session, booze, pizza n peanuts and vcd. I'm looking forward to it.
Couldn't sleep well last night. Thinking how much fat I've eaten.. and I've grown fatter. It's the second consecutive Sunday that I am pigging. .. due to bday party. I still have one more to go.. mag's bday on next saturday.
I am going to work out. I can't feel happy when I am feeling fat n ugly. haha..
Sunday, May 01, 2005
woosh
last shot..