Saturday, April 29, 2006
thank you gals!! Muack.. luv ya..
ha.. thank you for celebrating my birthday at my house. It was kinda of small gathering..talking.. about politics (the GE election).. ha.. Woah. Can't imagine right.. BAsically we were arguing..ha.. Thank you Qinlei for the potato salad.. it was abSoluteLy Fantastic.. Maybe becos we are all very hungry.. ha. The stupid pizza arrives late.. shitz. But, after 2 slices of pizza.. woah. Seriously very full. We even had a cake.. Nice mangO cake. ha..
It's nice to have small gathering like dat.. It ended early la.. ha.. But i reALly appreciate the efforts ya.. =) When i was blowin e candles .. i was like.. hmm.. so one more candle. Seriously, next time..1 candle is enuff le!! ha..
u know what. I was asked to eat supper yesterday. But, i was damn damn full.. feel like vomiting..so I couldn't eat la.. But, I went out. at 1 am. I must be crazy hor.. I was tinkin.. what if I'll be kidnap.. what if he is siao.. and rape me? hmm.. but i go with my gut feeling. I went after all. He picked me from my house and we went Holland V at Brecko.. We da bao and head to KenT ridge. It was not bad.. but I prefer Mt Faber.. The "deck" place.. (look at the ship's deck) at mt faber is very breezy.. But one thing i dislike abt e place is that i find no place to pee. .. esp when I drank so much water.. Maybe when I'm nervous.. i also like to pee la.. so.. I had to conc on listenin to what he says and "ren3".. =P
Later.. ard 4 am.. The fun part began. He insist on lettin me drive. Shitz.. I've not been drivin since december.. suck. I drove la.. I was forced. I knew he would do that la..so i brought my license out. It was hard lo.. he drove this Peugeot Van. I tiptoe on e accelerator and clutch (was bit far away).. and the gear is like damn far lo.. He had to help me.. cos i keep changin wrong gear.. and becos his car is a continental car.. the signal is on my left instead of my right. So, i am not used to it.. i keep turnin on e wiper.. ha.. again..he had to help me with it.. It was fun. Absolutely fun.
He send me back home (rather i drove back home la.. ).. since it was bit too early for breakfast. I was tired actually. He was too. Cause i caught him yawnin a few times.. He look almost like what i saw in e pic on MSN. Very young looking. Crap.. ha.. very ridiculous one la.. his theories.. Someone who sure knows how to enjoy life.
Yup.. that's all for my update. I think he likes me. Obvious. sorry for being thick skinned. But.. ......... I dunno. I don wish to make any decision. Stop forcing me.. !!!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
I'm still young.
Yeah. YoUng. As much as I'm scared of being hurt, I am young. Very young. ha..
I'm really mesmerised by your voice. Very young voice. like a 17/18 year old boy. But...you can be so naggy.. so naggy that almost make me fall asleep. ha.. like a great grandpa.. though you are younger than me. kekz.. ha..I'm beginning to enjoy these "perks" ha..
i shall just see how things go.. let everything falls in place. =)
Doubts. Judgement. yes. I have all those on you. What is so captivating about u? ur life experiences. Definitely not ur philosophy.. ha.. though I've never met you before. Okie. this is not a drama k.. i'm not going to say that.. we have alot in common. Maybe ur zest towards life. towards ur big ambition. Which many like me.. won't even dare to dream of.. the opportunity cost (maybe too big). But since you are young, i can see where you r "coming" from - U have absolutely nothing to lose. =)
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
UNion
Tuesday. My usual salsa day. Alot of my classmates went.. and they went super early. Saw Zee they all there.. and our guy classmates.. surprising.. =D Dance with zee.. horrible. I chose a lousy slow song.. i realise ..i hate slow songs.. ha... dance with clarence twice or thrice? ha.. happy **clap clap** we danced one song. after that.. he said..he try something more difficult.. keep spinning me.. and e hammer lock thing... i very tense la.. esp when we are dancin near e entrance.. and e floor has alot of friction.. hard to spin.. heez.. zee was like " krystal.. i am going kill you if i see you u steppin on e second count.. " shitz..i make e same mistake again. I din realise that.. i keep "travelling" .. =( am gonna correct this bad habit.. if not.. i will "master" this bad habit..
I went home at about 11 plus.. bathe.. and sat in front of my PC. started msn.. recently..i told ya..i know this guy. (a different one). yeah..he is younger than me.. Chloe was asking me.. what do i look for in a man last evening when we were having dinner together. I said. someone older.. stable.. going to settle down.. She said " good.. then u find someone old and rich.. ". I asked her in return, she said " she is lookin for someone one old but fun" ha.. hard to find .. sigh~
She continued by saying.. if you want to look for fun.. and since young.. then.. just go out to have fun.. This suddenly just strike me. What do i really look for in a man? Fun? yes. Someone serious? yes. someone old? not necessary. "feel guilty..if you are just playin along.. and he wants to settle down le"
argh~ suddenly.. i am popped with such a question. Dunno how to ans also. I don wish to settle down so quickly.. I don wish to tie myself down..
Recently.. so i was saying abt this guy. Interesting guy. Very business oriented. He talks business to me.. ha.. he can cook. He can play the piano. He is tall (i supposed). He is okie looking. He speaks good English. In fact, he sounds funny when speakin chinese. He does latin ballroom. Most importantly, he drives. He has his own business. Sounds almost perfect.
If i were a choice of a guy, would you choose me as a boy- fren?
Sunday, April 23, 2006
My Career. Career Goals. Career Motivation.
There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you are interested in doing
something, you do it when it is convenient. When you are committed to something, you
accept no excuses, only results.
Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you se. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you
listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt, and judgement, and you can see forever.
You are free to choose where you work, what you do, and with whom you will work. But who and what you become is hanging in the balance. Before you take a job or position, remind yourself that what will go on in the workplace will change you, and ask yourself whether or not the change will be in harmony with your mission statement.
If you want to achieve excellence, you can get there today. As of this second, quit doing less than excellent work.
Four little words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd, a little bit more. They did all that was expected of them and a little bit more.
What success really means is looking failure in the face and tossing the dice anyway. You may be the only person who ever knows how the dice come up, but in that knowledge you have something that millions of people will never have because they were afraid to try.
You pay a price for getting stronger. You pay a price for getting faster. You pay a price for jumping higher. (But also) you pay a price for staying just the same.
The reason most major goals are not achieved is that we spend our time doing second things first.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Killing legs. sAlsa mY liFe?
Thot. I shall be healthy for once. went for a run after i came back from office. Woah.. my legs.. killing me.. terrible. and then.. there comes once a month thingy.. argh~my back NeAr breaking, and my leGs aChing.. stOmacH bloated..
Yesterday, i went with Xinyi to watch Take the Lead. It was all right. Very funny though. Before that, we went for a dinner at a restaurant at Raffles City near the Bakers Inn. The place is really nice.. ve "ambience". I ordered this sandwich called the Pasillini? Something like dat.. I ordered a Smoked salson.. the portion was big.. big enuff for two people.. She ordered a salad ( as usual) and a I forgot what is the name. A very "italian/ french" name la.. VerY baGus. It is a baked bread (till like biscuit kind).. with tomatoes toppings.. very Tapas kind. ha.. I would lurve to go there again.. ha..
Sharon was telling me.. how nice the Tango was ..in e movie. Maybe I had too high expectation of it.. ha.. it was all right for me. But, i just enjoy how they move their body and it just reminded me of the painful lessons we had on Saturday evening. It was indeed the most stressful lesson of my salsa lessons so far..
We had to do shoulder rolls in front of the mirror. It is hard for me. I couldn't just focus on myself.. And zee had to pin point me.. there was only 5 girls in e class. and Zee was the only male instructor.. later, we were taught the "thrusting" of the pelvic. It was woah.. okie.. Maybe my butt too big.. so i can't really see the diff whether my I "push" my tail bone out.. Zee was saying.. we were bit too gu niang.. we should do it with more "omph" ha.. The way he described it.. was really hilarious.. My face blushed several times..
It was nice seeing somebody moves like dat.. I shall keep practising..ha.. and really learn to let go.. Yes. Let go is the KEY WORD here.
Nicey Clarence later fetch us to the MRT cos it was drizzling.. ha.. He is 27? hmm.. my dear Clarence. ha.. I think he is cute.. and we shall remain the way we are now.. xinyi was like.. Ur clarence huh.. ha.. and i just play along lor.. ha.. I like dancing with him. =)
okie.. 3 more wEeks to go... couNting dOwn..
*I realised. U convinced to start A new relationship. But sadly, not wif u.*
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
rEgret
I really regret what I've done. Siaoz.. I must be crazy. I say already.. got nothing better to do.. to get involved in guy that I'm not interested. Hmmm.. I am very affected by what my friends say.. ha..
Is it because I am keepin e door shut or he is just not my cup of tea? Both. I don't have any feeling towards him. And I'm going out with him? Duh? what the? I am also feeling bit guilty here. C'mon act like a woman lo.. if don like then, still go out with him? siao?
I don't like going out.. and always talking abt liking.. etc.. do we have a common hobby? common interest? He just reminds me too much of .. anyway.. to me.. guys (who haven go university) are just very free.. and yup.. and can preoccupy themselves with a girl.. I absolutely understand that. But, this is very very shortlived. If you can really like someone.. within a short period, the feeling will dissipate .. and suddenly.. you wonder what are you trying to do? Why are you so stupid to add responsibility .. or burden to yourself. Because your circumstance change.. you had to change. Then, you realise that it is your responsibility to take care of the girl.. and you don't really like/ love her.. the cycle goes..
I'm not ready. Who is ever ready? Don't convinced me that .. happiness shared double and sadness shared is halved. I believe that.. I cares about the proportion of happiness to sadness? Everything happens for a reason. I suppose somebody up there.. just want me to re-affirm my stand? Makin me think through what i really want at this point of my life? Do I need love? Love from a man? Am i still determine enough to be able to stand alone.. with the support of my friends and family?
I agree that friends and family will one day leaves us.. I do think of that.. But, this is not within my control. I don't know la.. but this is sure making me.. headache..
"I have a phobia. Phobia of guys who treat me too well. I feel disgusted."
Monday, April 17, 2006
I'm sorry I hurt someone
It started off as a pure outing. Read his blog. I chose to believe everything he said la. The feelin of waitin for someone to be online but he never did. Never. The feelin is like like.. indescribable.. that is why I told you. Don't try doing stupid things.. like dat.. cos it will cause more heartaches.. and disappointments.. ( i totally understand that)
I don't feel good after i read that.. argh~ If you don't like someone, don waste her time. step out. Be cruel. I always say that.. But it happen to me? argh~ I warned you already. I told you to "get out of my way". I told you the wall i build around me is so damn strong.. I've been thinking.. yet. I still find no reason to step out of my comfort zone.. I am a risk-taker. Do I trust you? Do i trust myself?
I certainly know e way to break down the wall. Do i really want to?
I've been talkin to people.. who leads very interesting lifestyle.. I'm sure they are well-off. Well-off people normal lead extraordinary lifestyle.. =P
Sunday, April 16, 2006
me and my stupid self
We went for a date today. Sakae Sushi.. cos i like sushi.. (for selfish reason). It was nervous.. not knowing how he really looks like.. Well..he looks just like e pic from Friendster. We chatted from Sakae to Cafe Cartel to Yoshinoya.. till 1030pm. It was a hearty chat.. but the topic revolves around friends, family and more of past relationships. His view on that. Very familiar views.. somewhr i heard before from someone.. or somewhere. I think i left a good if not, excellent impression for him. Cause by e end of the whole date, there is some liking.. Not from me.. erm.. yes.. from me.. as a friend only.
Tryin to convince me .. to take a chance.. He sounds sincere. Seriously.But since, its our first date.. there isn't much to tell or conclude. He is going University like i said. Difficult. I say..
I don't know what will eventually happen.. i sure enjoy the process of someone going after me.. but at e same time.. if i think he gets too involve.. i won't hesitate to put a full stop.
I don't know why.. but guys who went a date with me (one to one).. always have a good impression of me.. and start sayin their heartfelt words..
" feel comfortable talking to you. U make me feel different.. I kinda like you" this kinda of phrases.. I think i can be a counsellor.. I make people very comfortable ..
I have not been on a date for quite some time.. enjoy it. But.. taking all sort of preventive measures.. building a thick wall.. difficult to knock down if there is no effort from both sides..
"if a someone broke your heart.. can you imagine piecing up everything.. from the shattered pieces.. and if you enter into another relationship, if it fails again, the "mend" pieces.. is once again broken into smaller pieces (even more shattered).. "
"if someone broke your heart, i would not mend it.. i will replace her with a new one." Good one.
Friday, April 14, 2006
GrEen Mon mIssINg! 
Me, QL and ButterCup!
AnYthIngaLs wiF elInn and YY =)
BIrthday Gal here! Jac Shi!
brecko with Bren..
<>
I realise that technology is doing wonders. With Msn and Friendster.. gettin a date isn't that tough. I mean gettin to know more friends isn't tough. I am gettin lonely here. And what did i try to do? I try hookin up some guy.. I must be out of my mind. Don't seem to learn from my mistakes..
Feel like singing ktv. Gonna work soon.. i keep reminding myself.. I won't like to date someone who is studying.. No job stability.. erm.. Having to wait for him.. to come out of school. Ridiculous~ but having quite some fun here la.. This guy from friendster, very sporty looking. ha.. I think he is quite desperate la.. just like me (mine a lesser degree). This game is definitely.. worth watching.. =) I would love to take control of this game.. =D I sound like a psycho huh..
It's the "waiting game" la.. The first part is always fun~ aiya... I need to spice up my life abit la.. since both single and no strings attached. Why not lo.. No comittment. No obligation. Got lotsa free time. I got till june. He got till july. ha..
* I really think.. i got nothing better to do la.. *
**************
Agenda for this coming week
1) settle my job offer thingy
2) study bit for my GE
3) Do a bit revision for my Jap lang.
4) salsa
5) exercise. Motivation please!
very sleepy here.. not sleepin well for past few days.. haiz.. comin hom late.. at 2 am! not good. =(
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
second interview
this time.. i was bit sianz.. I reached there early.. sat for a while.. flippin thru the notes (company's info). trying to memorise.. but nothing goin in.. more sianz.. later the HR assistant.. Evonne.. came.. and checked my cert. .. makin sure that I really got "lousy" grades.. ha.. i think just usual checking.
It's always good to be early. Really. You are less nervous.. cos you have plenty of time to calm yourself (if you are nervous). By 2 pm which was after lunch, i saw one familar face.. ha.. its the AGM and the GM. ha.. he looks like those you see in Korea / Japan office kinda of boss. Stern? not really.. he will just nod and smile (without showing his teeth). ha.. I don't know what to say also but i shook his hand.
We went inside a room. I was made to sit on a long couch. And the GM started shooting questions. askin me about my weaknesses.. which i fumbled over this qn.. (i din prepare much for this interview). anyway.. i just whack la.. anyhow.. i din manage to name my 3rd weakness though.. ha.. He looks really kind .. (it's too kind and its scary.. ). I really how he really look like.. if he takes down his "mask" if he is wearing one.. Some people just look too calm, too nice.. and you just have to be careful.. (thinkin too much huh..)
I think i did okie. worse than the previous one.. but okie la..
One great perk of this position.. I would think.. is you get to to travel overseas for work assignments la.. (not anywhr but SEA regions). " you think you can travel abroad alone? as sometimes you will need to travel overseas? ". I think for a moment. " Yes!!! I would lurve to go~" that's my answer. Siaoz right.. i think.. i talkin to my fren ah? ha.. but i think i too excited le..
Aiya. seriously.. don't know if i will get e job.. though i think i have a high chance la.. But the pay is really makin me headache. I am in a ah Q mood. If i get e job, good.. i am too lazy to find job le.. If i don't get e job, good also.. that means..i don't have to worry abt my pay. whatever it is.. i believe in god's plan.
sometimes.. when i try too hard.. things turn out to be bad..
"if they r really lettin u do an area which u r very keen at.. Y not? its impt to have an opp to learn more than anything else. " - Qimin's advice
True. wat i really lack of is.. EXPERIENCE and SKILL and EXPERTISE. what i do have is TIME and YOUTH.
was really in bad mood yest.. i tried doin masks.. and i really feel so much better.. =)
Monday, April 10, 2006
lost~
ha.. after readin sharon's blog. but i really enjoy reading the blog.. fun. date siah.. ha..
I am full of envy.. kekz.. hmm.. recently..i've been reflecting.. no. all e while, i've been reflecting.. when I'm on the bus. when I'm listenin to the mp3.. nope. Not when i am doing salsa.. argh.. anyway. ya.
I remember coming across someone who says.. "U certainly deserve someone better.. someone who knows how to cherish you, who love you" if you allow that to happen to you. Woah.. that's quite true. ya.. I've beginning to "embrace" that statement. "Ya. I deserve to meet someone who love me.. "
On e other hand, swearing.. and thinkin that I would nv get hitch or attached in the near 8- 10 years.. I've got to plan ahead. Comin to a crisis.. financial crisis now.. havin to think twice before I sign up for any salsa course.. I realise that without $.. life gonna be hard.
If I'm still gonna have those thoughts.. then, it's better to plan ahead. I needa to be financially independent. I needa to be emotionally strong. (bearin in mind that I'm a human - and a woman).
Well.. to be able to achieve that is hard you know. I guess it's easier to say that when I'm only like 22 years old. when I reached like 30 and a spinster.. woah.. seeing all my frens.. attached or what.. My perception change again. Again.. It's hard to be strong. I have to constantly read up.. inject confidence in myself.. involve in activities.. argh~ Life's is about gain and loss. U gain some, lose some.
k la.. shall not devote too much attention to my feeling of "loss" now.. if not, i feel even loss.. ha..
I shall look forward to my comin overseas holidays!
"I've not been given a hug for a very long time, until last sat.. that was hmm. !" I'm always e guinea pig! =P
Saturday, April 08, 2006
alone in my cold room
switch off my aircon. So cold. just got a message from friendster.
"U are used to by my target to conquer in love lah, hahaha... now u r still in my short list... beleive or not, it depends on you... hey, you look so cute now with new hair and something new... " - from heli. U get what he is tryin to say? i tot the target is HJ? ha.. =D
anyway..was doin my first revision of economics. damn.. lotsa graph.. busy tryin to remember those. When i remember them.. i forgot those i practise yesterday. =(
U know what.. my salsa sucks a big time.. salsa means to be "lagging" behind my priorities.. why? I haven been dancing for like.. very long time.. my legs hurt (blister). argh~ I swear i'm so gonna practise this friday..after my exams.. i can't wait for it to be over. I wanna get A for public finance. After the AGM ask if i can graduate? huh? look down on me? i shall get a A- for that.
throat bit sore.. after gorging two packets of peanuts..(dinner). Whenever i finish eating..i feel guilty.. when will i ever stop feelin guilty and feel good? haiz..
demoralised when i couldn do any double turns.. very bad. Very bad. either i'm getting so damn rusty or it's my feet.. which shouldn't be e case. I am so damn pissed. =(
something red must be coming.. no wonder i'm feeling this way..
guys guys.. i think i need to find a guy soon.. ha. can see something good.. comin =D excited.. for U.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
don't know headache over what
Yeah. I did. managed to get into second round of interview. pretty nervous. I think i will be. The last time round was AGM. This time is the real GM. Wonder how he is like? got a feeling that he is scary. ha..
My goodness. I so gonna die if he keep asking me and questioning my interest in this industry. I tell you. I bought a Torque magazine before i went for the interview yesterday. Just in case. But, seriously, i think cars are cool. Because i nv tot of ownin any car (too ex le).. so i nv take a look at cars too. But recently, after dilligently flippin magazines.. surfing nets on cars.. i realised that.. Woah.. sometimes.. (not talk abt the engines.. speed). I like the design of the car. Interesting.. =D
Have a bit idea why people like cars. People like my brother. Crazy and fanatic abt cars.
okie.
1) i shouldn't put all the eggs in the basket (pin too much hope)
2) interest should be my priority.
3) u nv try u nv know.
Conclusion: got a feeling that I'm really going to transfer to "society university". The feelin is apprehensive, excited and scary. Confused me.
p/s. I am simply grateful to my mother. For sending me to learn this learn that. ha.. it's really useful. U nv know when u will use it. =)
Job interview
It was not scary at all. I went there with a calm mind. Was only feelin painful because my feet hurts. due to the damn court shoes. Not helpin me at all.
Firstly, i did a maths test. It was simple calculation. 50 Qn and we hav to finish in 30 min. I knew i can't finish la. I did like 40+. All correct except 1 wrong, 1 not attempt. Good. said the HR person.
I went inside this conference room. The setting was like a square.. with four comfortable sofa (forming a sq). I sat down.. with one of the HR lady. She was tellin me that there will be 2 jap who will be interviewing me. But they are having meeting now. I waited for like 15 min. I decided that I shall make use of Jap language which i took 4 years ago .. to greet them later on. Very calm. Later .. when the door opened.. i saw one handsome.. chap.. ha.. it was the GM or wat.. very good-looking. "hajimemashite. Lexian des. " The look on their face was unbelievable. ( i mean surprised looks) .. ha.. they sat down.. and start bombarding me with qn. typical questions.. which i had anticipated.. (from Xinyi's file). I just tell them what i know.. what I've been researching.. (yesterday). ................. etc. (i said alot la.. )
Can you find the place?
1) What do you know about TMC?
2) Introduce yourself?
3) What do you think you can contribute to the company?
4) Will you be willing to work long hours and burn some wkends?
5) what do you think about TMC?
6) Does your family member owed any cars from TMC?
7) U know how to speak Jap?
E rest i can't remember. Cause they were talkin most of the time. I am half drooling la.. ha..
After the whole interview, i was very pleased with myself. Of course, i could have done better. Let me reflect later at night.
I think i am scheduled for a second round of interview next wk. x fingers.. =D
Monday, April 03, 2006
sHort CroP~ I cut my Hair. prEtty? ha.. ignore me..
Marche~ last Sat.
PC down
Againz. ha.. only me, sharon, qinlei and sini know the reason. It's embarrassing. Haha.. I won't do it againz! ha..
For the whole week, i din touch my PC. Nope. not even once. Luckily i finish my fyp. Woah.. if not, die liao.. Then, again.. when i think i would need the PC.. I realised that I'm wrong. Darn. I need book air tickets online.. i needa check my emails.. I needa do this do that.. with my PC (down).. everything just seems to put on hold.
just finish readin jac, ql and bren's blog.. woah.. seem like i am missing quite a bit. ha.. talking abt weight loss.. I am deeply demoralised. ha.. how come.. my frens just like to jio me to eat.. can jio me to exercise? ha..
This wk gonna be a fun week. Esp tml.. havin a job interview tml. Argh~ I'm gonna study like I'm gonna study for my exams.. Exams next thur.. I haven really start preparing.. Everyone seem to remind me to study.. ha.. how come huh.. I'm like a kid.. still need ppl to remind me? ha.. Xinyi was still saying " U huh.. don salsa salsa.. remember to study ah.. " ha.. She is my motivation ... I don't know why. I need a bit of push. And there she is the one.. ha.. "motherly figure".. ha.
ha.. I will need to study hard. Forego my salsa.. just this once. since.. tml is a gonna day.. (interview .. and half my day gone).. thur too.. I left only fri to start. *luckily i quit my job!!*
kk.. gonna start muggin "Moving forward - Toyota". sigh~ good luck to me.