Thursday, October 13, 2005
Financial Engineering
Feeling bit sad. Just suddenly. I don't even know when it started. Maybe it started after I attended the Master in Financial Engineering Talk just now. Suddenly, just feel that I'm so lousy. In such a competitive "environment". There are lotsa of Chinese n Indians who are very good or rather excellent in their maths or computing. Their quantitative skills which the director was stressing for almost an hour throughout the presentation was damn powerful or they look damn zai.
I was just wondering. I was totally overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by my incapabilities. Overwhelmed by my lousy grades. Totally. I knew that even if i apply. I would not get in. They only take in 36 people per batch. Me? No F maths backgroud. Coming from a non- engineering background. No C++ or computing background. The course which comprises of finance, computing and Stats. I knew it isn't easy. Obviously the prospect is damn good. If you can get into this course, you certainly must have certain substance or standard. Sure, you won't breeze thru this course but if u do persist on. Ur efforts will definitely pay off.
Question: Do i want to be a Financial Engineer?
Qn: Am i good enough?
Qn: Can i persist?
Qn: Can i cope?
Qn: Do i have the appitude?
Qn: do i have what it takes?
After the presentation, I just don feel like eating. Maybe I am too "overwhelmed". Actually I just felt so lost and feel like vomiting. Anyway, I went over to ask one Prof. What do i exactly need to do to prove that I can and able to cope with this course despite my background? Yes. There are always exceptional cases who do very well. People with no maths background. Wah.. these people must ve super willpower n diligence lo. And they must be smart.
Me? smart? No. Not i humble. But i do think I am above average but definitely not cream of the crop. Dilligence? I already forgot what is that. hah.. Willpower? sometimes I think i have. Sometimes I think i don't.
Well, another thing that make me rather uncomfortable is that this course collaborate with Carnegie Mellon Uni in US. This Uni reminds me of unpleasant or evoke some things that I don't wish to bring up. Why again? haiz.. Never seem to get off my sight.. my mind. Think too much.
Feel bit guilty.
I desperately need to find a pill to disperse this spell.
Then again, I shouldn't bash myself. AFter all, I still believe. If there is a will, there is a way. Life is not only about school.
I was just thinking. I just need to prove to myself that I can. Not for anyone but for me.