Wednesday, July 09, 2008
I am not trying to be a bitch.
In fact. SometimesI think i am. Okay.. I am not bitchy in some sense.. like talking about the latest fashion trends.. where to eat. blah blah..
I think I am because I am so confused myself. Maybe one thing is right. It's only when you lose it, you start treasuring it. I decided that I am going to make a stand. That is to drop it.
I feel abit ke xi .. but I knew I had to do it. I had a discussion with several frens over the wkend. And I realised that I am the one with problem. I have a huge problem. I have a illness.
And that subconciously it overwhelmed me .. though I try to fight it.. but it seemed that I lost. I am not tat fickle minded I must say. It takes at least half a year before i start a new crush.
But, after dating a few times, I realised that guys are a disappointment. So, subconciously, I think I like them .. have crushes on them.. but they doesn't come "close" to me. I may seemed like an open book ... but I am not. There are some knots that are tied and they are deep inside me.
Unless you really mesmerised me.. or u ve some x factor.. i doubt anyone can break through it.
I tried convincing myself that I am ready. That the guy in front of me.. is of good calibre.. but I can't get through.. instead i start making you look like a fool. which is unintentional..
So, in order to lessen my "evilness".. you deserve someone good. Someone nice. Someone who truly deserves you. God bless.
my sini is flyin off to NZ in a few days time. Hey.. you have a fantastic time yeah! I will definitely miss you. And don't worry. I will distract myself.. in the meanwhile still enjoy myself. =P